Highly-specific questions about living small
And my candid answers—from pets to the American Dream
For the last two years, I’ve run an ‘ask me anything’ newsletter for my birthday. Now it’s officially an annual tradition. Last week I gave paid subscribers a chance to ask me their pressing questions about living small. I also offered readers 20-percent off of an annual subscription, which expires at midnight tonight:
Below are their questions and my answers, which range from coat storage to pets to class anxiety and the American Dream—the variety of the questions was incredible. Thank you for being such an engaged and curious community.
Now I have a question for you. The day before my birthday I took a terrible fall while running that left me unable to enjoy most of the things I hoped to do on my day (including run!). A week earlier, my mom was in the midst of a serious respiratory illness on her birthday. What do you do when a day you’d hoped would be special goes awry?
Okay, onto the birthday Q&A (this one is long, you will need to open it in a browser to read the whole post)
When do you break the rules of minimalism? And how can you go deeper with it?
I don’t have any hard and fast rules when it comes to what I splurge on or what I let into my home. That said, there is one way I am definitely not a minimalist and that is books. I am an avid library user, but I’ll never hesitate to buy a book when I want one and used bookstores are a weakness. (I also say yes whenever my son wants a book.)
I, too, want to take my home to the next level with paring back, but it’s always a work in progress. The “snowball method” was super effective for me. You identify one thing to donate/toss on Day One, two items on Day Two, three on Day Three and so on until you get to a full month (I’ve only made it three weeks!0. Convince a friend to do this with you and text photos of what they’re shedding–it’ll motivate you to keep going and you guys will have some laughs.
How do you clean your home quickly?
First, you need to know that my “whole house” is a 690-square foot apartment, so its size makes it easier to clean quickly. Second, I really only mean routine cleaning–not tidying up clutter or the kind of deep cleaning that happens seasonally.
The ability to clean a home quickly is predicated on daily cleaning tasks, like resetting the kitchen every night and sweeping the high-traffic areas. Likewise, the bathroom is less of a chore to scrub, if you clean it weekly. But perhaps what makes cleaning easiest is if you don’t have a lot of stuff in the way of your cleaning; for example, having a hotel-spare bathroom makes it possible to clean in a flash. I also believe in being minimal about cleaning supplies to keep things simple:
What do you do about too many coats?
We, too, are also drowning in coats. My husband has a lot of enthusiasm for coats–and no matter what I say, he keeps buying them. I try to stay on top of what my son and I are not actually using and donate them regularly to make up for his excess. On a practical note, sturdy wood hangers are better for coat closets than other styles.
As to the rest of our wardrobes, we don’t rotate–we just have less clothing and keep it all in the closets and drawers at all times. We’re lucky to be able to stash our ski gear at my parents house, which is home base for skiing.
How do you host guests in a small space?
We don’t often host anyone overnight in our tiny apartment. However, I did intentionally select a couch that was large and comfortable enough for an adult to sleep on. I will also confess I don’t really *like* hosting in a small space, so I’m not encouraging people to come!
If friends/family are not comfortable at your house, don’t force the issue. I personally hate staying with our relatives who don’t have a proper guest bedroom. I would much rather stay in a hotel or AirBNB, but I don’t because I fear it would hurt their feelings!
How much would you invest in a rental?
This depends entirely on how long you will stay and/or how much you save by staying. My first apartment was in such bad shape that my roommate, her mother, and I refinished the floors, spackled, and painted. It was a lot of work and money, but the rent was incredibly cheap for the location, so it was worth it. I have another friend who did a major kitchen renovation in his rental (we’re talking a five-figure investment) that his landlord has never even SEEN (ah, absentee NYC property owners!), but he’s been there 20 years and counting.
Could you speak with your landlord? Perhaps you can negotiate an upgrade? I managed to get a landlord to swap a too-big fridge for a smaller one and it made a world of difference. Another friend got the bathroom of his dreams for just the cost of the plumber (he talked his landlord into paying for the new sink vanity and toilet).
is the queen of rental upgrades and just moved, so I highly encourage you to follow along with her.Any intel on quick fixes for ugly countertops or tiles?
I have not, but I’d be skeptical on any kind of stick-on product for a countertop. For a backsplash, it might be worth a try. I have known people to successfully paint tile backsplashes (would the landlord notice?). However, if it’s a rental for a short time, I’d probably just live with it. See above for more thoughts, re: rentals
Any advice for living without gadgets and appliances?
I don’t think it’ll take up extra time to go without these “luxuries.” While I wouldn’t mind having laundry in our apartment, I actually like the convenience of being able to do multiple loads all at once in the shared laundry room (a time saver!). And in all my years of city living I have never had anything stolen from my unattended laundry. I’ve never owned a microwave; instead I use a pan on the stove or my toaster oven to reheat food, but this isn’t eating up hours of my day. I do love having a dishwasher–so maybe look for a place that has one of those!
What would you update in your apartment if money were not an issue?
There are so many areas I still have to tackle, chief among them children’s art and personal photos–someday!
Our queen-to-king bed is great, but I still haven’t bought a bed skirt to hide its DIY styling.
And oh, the things I would DO, if money and inconvenience were not an issue! I would refinish my floors and repaint everything (we are overdue). I’d hire a bespoke kitchen cabinet maker to redo all our cabinets and put in an induction stove. Custom murphy bed and built-ins for my son’s room? Yes, please–and a desk/storage built-in in our living room too. A new vanity for the bathroom and better lighting. California Closets for every closet. I could go on and on…
On a more realistic scale? I’d like to get our small armchair refurbished and reupholstered; might also replace our crummy doorknobs soon. And my goodness, we are desperate for proper window treatments. Send help!
How do you deal with seasonal bedding?
In our apartment we have one summer quilt and one down duvet per bed. We use each for about half the year, while the other blanket waits on a top shelf in our closet. I store the duvets rolled up in a spare pillowcase to keep them compact; the quilts just get folded.
How do you convey minimalism to kids? And how do you deal with class anxiety?
Of all the questions people asked, this stack of comments has given me the most to think about. Class anxiety is a bigger topic than I can fully tackle in a Q&A reply, but I do have some advice for modeling minimalism and how to think about that class anxiety: