Thanks for this list! I love the Make and Bake idea, no surprise. Here's one way we've reduced gifting some in my family. Instead of giving gifts to the other adults, my parents, my brother, and I all chip in money for my sister-in-law to buy gifts for struggling families in their area via a non-profit. She still gets to shop (which she likes), and I don't have to shop (which I like). We still buy stocking gifts for each other and gifts for the kids.
Long ago when my children were young, my parents lavished gifts on them (their only grandchildren)... although thoughtful, it was a LOT. I tried spreading their gifts out over the 12 days of Christmas; suggesting a single big gift for them (a fantastic playhouse for them-- which they were delighted to give, but in addition to everything else instead of in the place of everything else!)... the year that that the kids opened the gifts, looked around, and asked, "Is that all?" was the final straw. I laid down the law to my parents: one gift per child, books and clothes don't count (so they had wiggle room). The children also had to think about what they really wanted when coming up with gift lists. Not only did that save everyone a lot of money, the children were also much happier and more appreciative after that. My daughter is now wrestling with the same problem (her children are the only grandchildren on both sides, and her husband has a huge family), but at least she and I are on the same page. She's trying to gently guide them to less stuff (there just isn't room for it all). I do "experience" gifts for children; this year I've bought a watercolor painting course that my 11-yr-old granddaughter and I will do together. I always give children at least one book (is it Christmas without a book?). I usually give my kids money (they really appreciate that--they don't have a lot extra, and they can pick out things better than I could and know what they need) along with something small-- maple sugar candy from a favorite Vermont company is a treat looked forward to all year for two of my kids. I knit for my mother and sister--socks, scarves, sweaters, whatever seems best at the time--a two-way gift, since I have the pleasure of indulging my favorite hobby, and they receive the benefits!
Thank you for sharing, Allison. My grandmother always knit things for us: Such a special gift to receive. And I agree: It would be Christmas without books.
In the vein of a donation, but comes with a small gift -- my 8 year old received a Fahlo animal tracking bracelet for her birthday and loves it. https://myfahlo.com/
My extended family (of mostly two adult households) does a couple versions of this: we do a yankee swap/dice game for small gifts (value about $15, although it goes up and down). I've often tried to offer homemade options for these, such as a vermouth infusing kit or small knit item and they are often very popular! Then we swap experiences by household with a cap of about $75. We draw names and each household is responsible for one other household. The emphasis on experiences is newer but has so far been a hit - lots of restaurant gift cards but some more creative options too.
For my colleagues at work last year, I gifted one month of Anna Brones's substack for December, which is an annual daily digital advent calendar. It aligns well with our work and was a great way to support an artist! That's a tradition I'm definitely going to keep up.
Finally, I am a strong proponent of asking for gift ideas and offering my own wishlist items to the folks who want to buy me a thing (e.g. my grandmother). Overall to me it is less stressful and more sustainable to be gifting items that I know will be loved and used vs. hunting for something someone MIGHT like. I keep a small wishlist of things I won't buy for myself (magazine/substack subscriptions, a few books, and gift certificates to local businesses feature heavily) and share that whenever it feels natural to do so.
Thank you for sharing! I am kind of obsessed with Anna's digital advent calendar format--what a cool idea. Now I kind of want to do my own version of it someday.
Love this, Laura! My in-laws have started donating to charities in my name each year, and it’s one of my favorite gifts. Helping an org I care about + no gift I didn’t really need crowding my small apartment. But I suppose it’s only an exciting gift because I want it. I guess that’s the real trick with gift giving: really being thoughtful about what the recipient wants & not just buying a gift for the sake of it.
Yes! I ❤️ this comment! Do you tell them some charities you are interested in supporting? Or is a surprise element part of what makes it feel gift-like?
We do a hybrid of several of these ideas. I've tried a bunch of alternatives with my parents over the years, but my mom just really wants to give gifts. I've accepted that, and I don't fight it any more, and consider part of my gift to be giving my mom the traditions she loves. My young adult daughter and her husband live in Europe and my husband and I are in the US. We don't give each other gifts, but they buy one plane ticket and we buy one plane ticket so that they can come to spend the holiday with us (experiences!). She and her husband fill stockings for each other, and my husband and I fill stockings for each other, so we all have something small and fun to open Christmas morning (Secret Santa, sorta). We eat really well (consumables!), and I always get a new game and puzzle for us to do on Christmas day (sometimes thrifted). It's taken some experimenting, but this works well for us.
I love hearing about what gift giving looks like for other families and so appreciate your wisdom about family member who really want to give gifts--accepting the gift is a gift!
For my husband and I for the last 12 years we have asked for no gifts from our extended family. Additionally we donate money in each of our family members name to the Donors Choose website that supports K-12 teachers and classrooms for things that they need for their students. I love searching for projects, equipment, musical instruments and class trips that I know align with each person’s values. Then they get updates from the teacher (often with class photos) to show how the students are enjoying/benefiting from the gift.
I try to include a healthy selection of free and gifted articles in the newsletter, but a few do come from premium publications like Dwell, which I subscribe to. As a journalist, I enthusiastically endorse paying for quality information—especially in today's media landscape.
Thanks for this list! I love the Make and Bake idea, no surprise. Here's one way we've reduced gifting some in my family. Instead of giving gifts to the other adults, my parents, my brother, and I all chip in money for my sister-in-law to buy gifts for struggling families in their area via a non-profit. She still gets to shop (which she likes), and I don't have to shop (which I like). We still buy stocking gifts for each other and gifts for the kids.
I love the idea of your SIL shopping for a good cause. That’s the holiday spirit I’m after.
Long ago when my children were young, my parents lavished gifts on them (their only grandchildren)... although thoughtful, it was a LOT. I tried spreading their gifts out over the 12 days of Christmas; suggesting a single big gift for them (a fantastic playhouse for them-- which they were delighted to give, but in addition to everything else instead of in the place of everything else!)... the year that that the kids opened the gifts, looked around, and asked, "Is that all?" was the final straw. I laid down the law to my parents: one gift per child, books and clothes don't count (so they had wiggle room). The children also had to think about what they really wanted when coming up with gift lists. Not only did that save everyone a lot of money, the children were also much happier and more appreciative after that. My daughter is now wrestling with the same problem (her children are the only grandchildren on both sides, and her husband has a huge family), but at least she and I are on the same page. She's trying to gently guide them to less stuff (there just isn't room for it all). I do "experience" gifts for children; this year I've bought a watercolor painting course that my 11-yr-old granddaughter and I will do together. I always give children at least one book (is it Christmas without a book?). I usually give my kids money (they really appreciate that--they don't have a lot extra, and they can pick out things better than I could and know what they need) along with something small-- maple sugar candy from a favorite Vermont company is a treat looked forward to all year for two of my kids. I knit for my mother and sister--socks, scarves, sweaters, whatever seems best at the time--a two-way gift, since I have the pleasure of indulging my favorite hobby, and they receive the benefits!
Thank you for sharing, Allison. My grandmother always knit things for us: Such a special gift to receive. And I agree: It would be Christmas without books.
In the vein of a donation, but comes with a small gift -- my 8 year old received a Fahlo animal tracking bracelet for her birthday and loves it. https://myfahlo.com/
Fun! Thanks for sharing.
My extended family (of mostly two adult households) does a couple versions of this: we do a yankee swap/dice game for small gifts (value about $15, although it goes up and down). I've often tried to offer homemade options for these, such as a vermouth infusing kit or small knit item and they are often very popular! Then we swap experiences by household with a cap of about $75. We draw names and each household is responsible for one other household. The emphasis on experiences is newer but has so far been a hit - lots of restaurant gift cards but some more creative options too.
For my colleagues at work last year, I gifted one month of Anna Brones's substack for December, which is an annual daily digital advent calendar. It aligns well with our work and was a great way to support an artist! That's a tradition I'm definitely going to keep up.
Finally, I am a strong proponent of asking for gift ideas and offering my own wishlist items to the folks who want to buy me a thing (e.g. my grandmother). Overall to me it is less stressful and more sustainable to be gifting items that I know will be loved and used vs. hunting for something someone MIGHT like. I keep a small wishlist of things I won't buy for myself (magazine/substack subscriptions, a few books, and gift certificates to local businesses feature heavily) and share that whenever it feels natural to do so.
Thank you for sharing! I am kind of obsessed with Anna's digital advent calendar format--what a cool idea. Now I kind of want to do my own version of it someday.
Love this, Laura! My in-laws have started donating to charities in my name each year, and it’s one of my favorite gifts. Helping an org I care about + no gift I didn’t really need crowding my small apartment. But I suppose it’s only an exciting gift because I want it. I guess that’s the real trick with gift giving: really being thoughtful about what the recipient wants & not just buying a gift for the sake of it.
Yes! I ❤️ this comment! Do you tell them some charities you are interested in supporting? Or is a surprise element part of what makes it feel gift-like?
We do a hybrid of several of these ideas. I've tried a bunch of alternatives with my parents over the years, but my mom just really wants to give gifts. I've accepted that, and I don't fight it any more, and consider part of my gift to be giving my mom the traditions she loves. My young adult daughter and her husband live in Europe and my husband and I are in the US. We don't give each other gifts, but they buy one plane ticket and we buy one plane ticket so that they can come to spend the holiday with us (experiences!). She and her husband fill stockings for each other, and my husband and I fill stockings for each other, so we all have something small and fun to open Christmas morning (Secret Santa, sorta). We eat really well (consumables!), and I always get a new game and puzzle for us to do on Christmas day (sometimes thrifted). It's taken some experimenting, but this works well for us.
I love hearing about what gift giving looks like for other families and so appreciate your wisdom about family member who really want to give gifts--accepting the gift is a gift!
For my husband and I for the last 12 years we have asked for no gifts from our extended family. Additionally we donate money in each of our family members name to the Donors Choose website that supports K-12 teachers and classrooms for things that they need for their students. I love searching for projects, equipment, musical instruments and class trips that I know align with each person’s values. Then they get updates from the teacher (often with class photos) to show how the students are enjoying/benefiting from the gift.
Paywall on the dwell article 😔
I try to include a healthy selection of free and gifted articles in the newsletter, but a few do come from premium publications like Dwell, which I subscribe to. As a journalist, I enthusiastically endorse paying for quality information—especially in today's media landscape.
I totally understand! I didn’t know if you knew.