Ceci n’est pas un gift guide

But I do have some thoughts about gifts

For much of my magazine career, I was in charge of the annual holiday gift guide. Starting in July, my junior editors and I would be on the hunt for the very best gifts to include in our annual gift feature—and guys, I was good at it! I found the most beautiful, useful gifts. Back in September, I marked today as the date for the LIVING SMALL gift guide. As the fall rolled by, I bookmarked a few things, but when it came time to write it, I didn’t have the heart for it. Because, confession: I find gift giving to be fraught!

I love the Christmas tree and decorations, all the wonderful food, COOKIES, and Christmas carols. But when it comes to gifts I get all squirmy. Most of the people I love have everything they need, and it’s been forever since I felt like I really knocked it out of the park with a gift. I’m not much better at Receiving either: A clearly last-minute or impersonal gift bums me out, and an almost-right gift (that I know I’ll eventually donate) gives me anxiety because I abhor waste.  

The thought of encouraging you to buy more stuff in a newsletter devoted to living small and sustainably doesn’t feel right either¹. But I admit that not giving any gifts at all feels a little sad, and a thoughtful gift brings a lot of joy. The trick lies in finding that perfect just-enough feeling–celebration without excess. I wish I had a magic formula, but here’s what I do know: 

• Homemade gifts are always special

• Food gifts create zero clutter (and are delicious)

• Other gifts that can be consumed—soap, flowers, subscriptions—are usually safe

• If it’s something you are obsessed with, go ahead: share it with someone you love

• No one wants another scented candle

• A well-placed gift receipt avoids some awkwardness

• Less really is more: One thoughtful gift is better than four you bought in a rush at Target, promise

My family has experimented with many different ways of doing a minimal Christmas, and we still haven’t hit on the perfect solution. Below are a few ideas for reimagining gift-giving between the adults in your family. I find that using one of these techniques can both help you avoid overbuying and that limitations often spark the most creative gifts.

• Try a Yankee gift swap–it’s similar to a white elephant, but the gift is desirable

• Dictate a theme for everyone to shop: All food gifts, items for the outdoors, reading-related, etc.

• Host a Secret Santa

• Exchange only stocking stuffers—but lots of them!

• Intentionally limit where or how to shop. For example, only secondhand, handmade, or bought in your hometown

Below I’m sharing how I’m approaching it this year, maybe it’ll offer some inspiration:

Modifying the ‘Four Gift Rule’ for my kid

The idea is to limit gifts to “something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read,” and something to do as a bonus fifth gift. In addition to those four (maybe five) gifts, I will give my son and his cousins their annual matching Christmas pajamas and Santa will fill his stocking with small gifts (mostly useful things, but a few small toys too), so I’m not totally playing by the “rule,” but it feels like a helpful guardrail against going overboard.

Ditching the obligation gifts

In years past, I gave all my clients a small gift each year—think a nice hand towel or a box of special cookies. I felt like this was a nice way to thank my editors for work, but last year many of my recipients didn’t even acknowledge my gift. It made me wonder if my small tokens were lost within the barrage of seasonal gifts, so this year I’m skipping it. I’ve also given up on sending holiday cards because they took up so much time, money, and paper. How do you all feel about cards: Love them? Hate them?

Giving the teachers what they really want

I wrote a story for WSJ’s Buyside about teacher gifts, and I interviewed more than a dozen current and former teachers. Buyside was looking for a list of gifts to purchase, but the overwhelming response from teachers was that what they most appreciated a) handmade cards and/or gifts made by the kids or b) unrestricted gift cards, like a cash card or an Amazon gift card. In the past I’ve given gift certificates to Bookshop.org and other sites I thought that teachers might like, but this year, I’ll stick an Amazon gift card into a card made by my son.

Buying myself a gift!

I have never done this and usually skip buying anything for myself during the season of spending, but we’re traveling for part of the holidays and I am going to give myself the gift of a rolling suitcase. Our last trip by plane convinced me that I am too old to keep carrying a backpack when I travel. Send me your recommendations for a rolling bag that will last, but not cost a fortune? 

Who are you shopping for that has you stumped? Tell me in the comments or email me directly, and maybe I’ll add a few small and sustainable gift suggestions to next week’s newsletter.

A related post from the archive:

After the deluge (post-holiday thoughts)

Last week’s most-clicked links were this small-space hamper and my episode of the Green Route podcast.

After the break, you’ll find this week’s 3 More Things, plus, links to the best gift guides out there (according to me)…